It's safe to say the past few months have been like no other I've experienced before. A roller coaster of life altering events have occured to the point that Ironman feels like a life time ago.
I haven't posted on here for quite some time. I got stopped. I got stopped just when things started to get interesting, challenging and hard. The all so common internal dialog prevented me to keep sharing and documenting my road to Ironman and all that was in between. I'm dissapointed that I allowed the "who's reading this, I have nothing to contribute, what do I know" get in the way of my initial intention of: "I intend to share my trials, tribulations and tips of training, my good days and the bad. I'm so far from an expert in any of this, but I hope through sharing my experiences along the way I can inspire you, maybe even igniting a spark, to go after your goals no matter how BIG or small."
Yes the last 3 months leading up to it were tough, mentally and physically. I really found it hard when people would ask me questions and say "Oh you must be so excited!" to respond in the way I thought they wanted me to. Truth was, for the most part I wasn't excited. I was doubting my ability, coming in and out of focus and interest, and questioning why the hell did I start this in the first place! No one wants to hear that, I thought. However, whilst I got stopped in sharing what was really going on for me, I am so proud that against all of that I kept the big picture in mind and got to the start line with a clear mind. For the big day I created the possibly of Strength, Determination and Joy and made damn sure I lived into it. My mind was clear from start to finish, not a negative internal dialog in sight.
From the highest of highs, crossing the infamous finish line of Ironman, smashing a year long goal, my world turned upside down and hit the rock bottom of lows within a week. One of my dearest friends, Elle, had taken her life.
I really wanted to get back into sharing via my blog now I'm on a new adventure to Kona, Hawaii for the World Championships, but how could I do that without acknowledging this. I couldn't have. For a short life, 24years, Elle live a big life. She was intelligent beyond her years, bubbly and vivacious, a true friend, and behind all of this suffering from a silent illness of her mental health. One thing that we can learn from her beautiful life, among many others, is that mental health need not be a taboo topic nor something we should be ashamed of. We all have our struggles no matter how big or small, and we all find way to deal and cope with it. In Elle's case her decision was final, but we need to respect that is was hers. I think of her daily and even though now she's gone on a trip beyond a life time, we'll still be friends for life.
It's been over 6 weeks now since Ironman, and I really haven't done a thing. Without a strong, focused mind even the thought of getting up to go for a 30mins run feels like a giant battle. But this is the turning point. I have 5 months to get into to tip top condition for Hawaii Ironman after qualifying having finished 3rd in my age group, female 25-29yr old. I haven't set my goal up for this race. Top 20 in my age group is sounding pretty good. :)
So it's begins again, new challenge, new year, let's go.